When I actually became overwhelmed, I found the pattern and started from scratch tracing and such...maybe as a catharsis...maybe because I like pretty things...maybe because I don't know what to be when I grow up and embroidery is something I am good at. Scratch that...extraordinary at. I can stitch the shit out of whatever is put in front of me. It completely agrees with my 50/50 left brained/right brained-ness. Perfectly neat with perfect colors yet crafty and artistic.
I adore this pattern because it represents how I feel All. The. Time. Kids and lunch and put that down! and dishes and octopus and stars and am I a good mom? and ohemgee the last season of The Closer is soooo goood and can I just take a nap without something getting destroyed*? And also I really want a pink bouffant like that lady in Are You Being Served.
Part of it could be summer, right? The kids are home, I scheduled no classes or activities. Just the boys loose on the house and my sanity. Every once in a while, I venture out to the Trader Joe's with them. Which becomes a nightmare...they ditch me then cry when they're lost...they don't want Starbucks, they want Starbucks...they sneak ground turkey into the cart when I'm not looking...Then I get home and they take off, into the bowels of the house, let the dog escape, and eat the entire bag of honey pretzel sticks I just bought.
I finally get five minutes to myself and Hartwell comes in and asks if I bought batteries for his Wii. No, I didn't. "Why not? You just lie in your bed all day."
So I make quesadillas, (they wanted peanut butter and jelly), pour some glasses of milk, (they wanted juuuuuice boooooxes), and then after one bite, "I don't liiiiike it! Can I have dessert?"
Of course not, what kind of mom would I be if I didn't put up at least a little fight, I think as I hand them a bag of cookies and go back to finish my five minutes of peace and diet coke.
Not that we don't have fun. The other day I spent a good fifteen minutes in a conversation with them about cemeteries and death and, "Why do they bury people's bones?" and "How do they know your name for the stone if you're dead?"
This makes it very difficult to have any kind of career epiphany. Or hobby. Or thought of your own. I'm too busy explaining funeral etiquette.
That's why I started this project. Something for me. Which doesn't frustrate me or take too much concentration. Something pretty I didn't have to buy. Something I'm good at that makes me feel like I accomplished something.
Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
-Guillame Apollinaire
And maybe, much like this:
becomes this:I will figure it all out.
*No.