Sofa King Un-cool

I'd like to introduce my arch nemesis. My sofa. I wish it were as simple as, "Whenever I watch Ratatouille, she tries to kill me," but she is much more subtle than that.
She was a gift from my parents before Thanksgiving. My mom and dad were coming to help me get ready for the baby and needed a place to sleep, so she offered to buy me a sleeper sofa. The only problem was, I had three weeks to find something. Most places could give you a sleeper sofa if you had six weeks. The one I found was ready in a week and a half. What a deal!
But, alas, she is a fickle mistress. When you sit on the sofa and stand up again, you don't get that bouncy push. She tries to pull you back down. And since it's a sleeper sofa, it has that giant metal hardware under the cushions. If left alone the cushions get lodged into the cracks and it's even harder to stand up. So I folded a bunch of comforters and quilts and blankets and pillows and placed them between the hardware and the foam. It's much more comfortable, but if no one is sitting on it, she looks like she just ate a quilt. "Mmmm,..log cabin."
She is supposed to be a sofa/chaise combo which I thought would help with the problem I have of Barkley thinking the sofa is his and we need to sit on the floor. But no one can sit in the corner seat, so it ends up seating three anyway. Or two and a basset hound. So I turned it back into a regular sofa and we use the chaise part as a climbing structure.
What I need to do is create a vision board full of ideal sofas. And stop talking about her. She could hear me and get really angry. And I wouldn't like her when she's angry.